I'm One Card Short Of A Full Deck...

(I'm Going Slightly Mad, Queen)

I was once really excited about playing Carmina Burana in wind ensemble. You would think that such a cool piece would be really fun to play... Here's a life lesson: Third trombone parts are almost never interesting. Ever. It kind of sucks. A lot.

In other news... I think I am going to explode from the workload this year. Seriously... All my music stuff, plus computer science, which has a ridiculous amount of class time. Labs, lectures... Six hours a week. On top of music stuff. It's enough to make a person go mad. If I keep missing programming lectures, I'm going to fail... But likewise, if I go all the time I'll go nuts.

You Know It Makes Me Want To Cry [Part II]

(Isn't Love Strange, Moody Blues)

I once got off on a list of songs that can make me cry... I realize that I am obsessed with such songs. Many people are. I wonder what it is about some people, that they just like to make themselves sad? It's the same with sappy chick-movies. My all-time favourite movie is possibly the saddest movie I have ever seen in my life. I have never, not once, sat through that movie without crying at least once. What Dreams May Come, with Robin Williams. I highly recommend this movie to my imaginary audience. (I guess Lee might read this, if I use it for my ed. journals. Whatever. I talk to myself.) Seriously... if you're in the mood for a good cry, sit down and watch this movie.

Anyway, I got off on a tangent. I was going to talk about some really sad songs.

This is my original list. I'll just expand on it a little.

• Into the West - Annie Lennox

This song is from the soundtrack of the third Lord of the Rings movie. It's a brilliant song, if you know the reference. Annie Lennox just has such a powerful, emotional voice, it really suits this song. It's sung to a dying person, assuring them that they'll meet again, and that the person is safe, and just going to sleep. I can't do it justice by explaining it... The lyrics won't do it a lot of justice either, but it's the best I can do.
Lay down / your sweet and weary head. / Night is falling, / you have come to journey's end. / Sleep now, / and dream of the ones who came before. / They are calling / from across a distant shore. / Why do you weep? / What are these tears upon your face? / Soon you will see / all of your fears will pass away. / Safe in my arms, / you're only sleeping. / What can you see / on the horizon? / Why do the white gulls call? / Across the sea / a pale moon rises. / The ships have come to carry you home, / and all will turn / to silver glass. / A light on the water, / all souls pass. / Hope fades / into the world of night, / through shadows falling / out of memory and time. / Don't say / we have come now to the end. / White shores are calling. / You and I will meet again, / and you'll be here in my arms, / just sleeping. / What can you see / on the horizon? / Why do the white gulls call? / Across the sea / a pale moon rises. / The ships have come to carry you home, / and all will turn / to silver glass. / A light on the water, / grey ships pass / into the West.
Knowing the reference in that one helps a lot. The line "All will turn to silver glass, a light on the water, grey ships pass into the West" is a sort of quote from the Lord of the Rings. Gandalf is talking to Merry about death and says "No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it... White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise." I just was touched by it.

• Lips of an Angel - Hinder

Also sad. Not one that would make me cry, though. It's a phone conversation, only hearing one side of the conversation, a guy talking to his ex-girlfriend who has called him late at night, and both saying that they miss each other, and never really moved on, but they can't talk, because they both have someone else, and can't go back. It's kind of sad.
The chorus: It's really good to hear your voice saying my name. / It sounds so sweet / coming from the lips of an angel, / hearing those words, it makes me weak. / And I never want to say goodbye, / but girl you make it hard to be faithful / with the lips of an angel.

• The Freshman - The Verve Pipe

I had to really think about it before I understood this one, but once I did, I realized it was pretty tragic. It's a guy remembering old relationships, one where the couple either had to get an abortion or get married, and the guilt from that, and the other where the girl killed herself. The first verse is the really meaningful one for me. When I was young I knew everything, / She a punk who never took advice. / Now I'm guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor. / Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice.

• Jumper - Third Eye Blind

This one is obvious... It's a friend trying to talk a friend out of killing himself. Sad by definition.
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. / You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in. / And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.

• Try, Try, Try - Smashing Pumpkins

I actually have no idea what this song is actually about. I don't remember. The only time I have ever heard it was while I was watching the music video, which really distracts you from the contents of the song. The only lyrics I actually remember are "try to hold on" because it's repeated a bunch of times. The video, though is absolutely tragic. Youtube it. It's VERY sad. It's about a homeless couple, the girl is pregnant, she ends up selling herself for drug money, shooting up in a bathroom, and having a miscarriage, and being toted off to the hospital. Watch it. It is really, really tragic. This actually happens! This is real life stuff! ...I cried. I am not too big to admit it.
Alright, this is getting really long. I'll discuss the merits of sad songs again some other time. I definitely will, too. I'm thinking really hard about this now.

You Know It Makes Me Want To Cry, Cry, Cry...

(Isn't Love Strange, Moody Blues)

All this talk of getting old
is getting me down, my love.
Like a cat in a bag,
waiting to drown,
this time I'm coming down.
And I hope you're thinking of me
as you lay down on your side.

Now the drugs don't work,
they just make you worse,
but I know I'll see your face again.

But I know I'm on a losing streak
'cause I passed down my old street.
If you want a show,
then just let me know
and I'll sing in your ear again.

Now the drugs don't work,
they just make you worse,
but I know I'll see your face again.

'Cause baby,
if heaven calls, I'm coming too.
Just like you said,
if you leave my life
I'm better off dead.

The Drugs Don't Work - The Verve/Radiohead?

Now that's most of the lyrics to that song, removing most of the repetition. Quite frankly the repetition doesn't mean a lot, in text... And I'm not sure who it's by. I thought it was Radiohead, but the internet doesn't seem to think Radiohead ever did this song. So I can only assume it's the Verve. That's beside the point. That song actually makes me want to cry. I want to know what about a song touches a person so deeply. Really, I have very little in my life that I can relate to this song with. As far as I can tell, the song is about someone who is very sick, or hurting very badly, and nothing will help them get better. The line that really gets me though, is If heaven calls, I'm coming too. Just like you said, if you leave my life I'm better off dead. That is so sad! Maybe I'm just being a silly, sappy girl... But if I listen to this song in the right mood, it will actually make me cry. I want to know what can do that to a person. I actually just have a fascination with songs that can evoke such strong emotions in people. I think I might be more susceptible to that kind of thing than a lot of people... There are actually some orchestral pieces that have literally brought me to tears. Why?

There's a book I accidentally wandered across in Chapters a while ago, called This is Your Brain on Music: The Science Behind a Human Obsession. It sounds FASCINATING. I wish I had the time to start reading it... But alas, class forbids it. Maybe next summer. For now it will collect dust on my bookshelf.

Freedom's Just Another Word For 'Nothing Left To Lose'

(Me and Bobby McGee, Janis Joplin)

I am so glad to be back in Waterloo. I missed doing ensemble things. The Citizen's band just doesn't do it for me. I can't deal with sitting around for two and a half hours every week while George woodsheds with the clarinet section. Now, I don't mean to be mean or anything. I just haven't got the patience to play in a community band where the people who play well get ignored and those that don't ever practice just spend the whole time woodshedding as a group. Not patient enough for that. Oddly enough, I am really glad to be back in the place where you just get yelled at for not practicing. Or failed. It's nicer. Wierd, eh?

I am finally back to having my own life. I love it. It's really hard to go from not answering to anyone, and having no one know or care where you go at night to being back in a family unit, and trying to be a decent person, and let people know what you're doing and all that jazz. It's hard. I'm glad to be back. I missed the building, and the people, and all the craziness that is not working at Tim Horton's. I couldn't deal with that my whole life. Maybe that's why I am so glad to be back. My job was eroding my will to live. That's certainly what it felt like.

I can't wait until we get really into ensemble. We're playing Carmina Burana, which I LOVE. I think it will be a lot of fun. And probably really hard. Ah well! Awesome part: No piano proficiency this year! Woo!

Okay, I have places to be, and things to do. Like sleeping. More tomorrow!